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If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Wife: You always blame other people for your problems. Me: Yeah, and whose fault is that?
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
The last time I touched a breast, it was in a KFC bucket.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
I’m always disappointed when a liar’s pants don’t actually catch on fire.
The cop at your front door is never a stripper when you want them to be.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?
I`d rather be someone`s shot of whiskey than everyone`s cup of tea.