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Apparently I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
Can anyone recommend a good movie to kinda listen to while I stare at my phone?
I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I`m being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I`m talking about
Ever met a boring and stable girl who was good in bed? Exactly.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
Eventually, the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphics.
Have you tried complaining about it for hours?
Batman had the bat signal. If you need to get my attention, hold a Roast Beef Sandwich over a floor lamp and aim it at my apartment.
"That looks interesting. I think I`ll eat it." - Sharks and Toddlers
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.