Daily Silly Status

Nothing is impossible. I know a man that once guessed correctly why a woman was mad at him.

My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?

I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.

If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.

I`m thinkin` Dodgeball........... but with random people..........who don`t know they are playing.............

I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"

If you ever need nothing I am here for you.

American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.

When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!

I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops

Taco Tuesday sends a terrible message to our nation`s children. They need to know that tacos are always an option no matter what day it is.

The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.

My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.