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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
To whom it may concern: I need more money and power ... ASAP thanks!
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
Another day....another 0.2% of a dollar
I just saw a bus that you would look amazing under.
I really worry about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
If you pour two beers in one glass, it`s just one beer.
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
Wonders why we can`t just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.