Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
One good thing about having kids is that they are sick every time I get invited to something I don`t want to do.
A dog running a hundred miles to retrieve a stick? That`s pretty far-fetched.
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
I`ve been hitting "remind me later" for about the last 4 years on Adobe.
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
Stalin should have known communism doesn`t work. There were red flags everywhere.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the shit out of you.
Staring longingly at the door works for my dog, but I tried it at work and no one let me out. :(
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.