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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
You have to hand it to Subway for convincing us it`s acceptable to eat an entire loaf of bread for lunch.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the people that have given me a reason to drink this Friday night.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Sometimes, when I "like" your post, it`s because my touchscreen is too sensitive and I only meant to scroll by your ass. Sometimes. ;)