Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better. Well…for me anyway.
You`d think my boss would know me by now and stop asking me everyday if I`ve been drinking.
Attention fuels immaturity
Lazy fact #128540162, You were too lazy to read that number.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.