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Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
I was enjoying our conversation. Until you started talking....
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.