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Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
I`m no mathlete, but I CAN tell you that a 6 y/o running at 8 mph chasing an ice cream truck moving at 10 mph flies 7.4 ft if you trip him.
You know it’s cold outside when you go outside and it’s cold.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
Pink camouflage: I`m like, where you hiding? Candyland?
A sure cure for sea-sickness is to sit under a tree.
Never compliment a lady on her mustache no matter how magnificent it is