Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
No matter how busy a guy is, he can always take out a moment from his busy life to just stop and stare at a beautiful girl.
Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business.
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I`d been invited to an autopsy.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.