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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Ain’t no sandwich when she’s gone.
Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Tip: When you’re not famous, people don’t let you pay for things with an autographed napkin.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
If I share my food with you, it’s either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don’t want it.
Doing some caroling! All by myself. In people`s backyards. In the bushes. Very little singing. Mostly watching.
Anyone going to stare at their phones anywhere cool this weekend?
I wish there was a reality show where people learned grammar.
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman´s hat on it... turns out that is not the button you press to get a fireman´s hat.