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You know the fun part of your life is over when people around you are getting pregnant on purpose.
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
My home security system is a series of paintings with the eyes cut out.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
People are making Rapture jokes like there`s no tomorrow.....
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
The word "Saturday" has "turd" in it. Good luck trying to ignore that for the rest of your life, starting now.
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
Cookies and porn are always better when they`re homemade!
The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
They should make a "How It`s Made" episode on how "How It`s Made" is made.
The only benefit of getting new clothes for Christmas is that I don`t have to do laundry for another week or two.
You`re such a slut, the only reason why you wear panties is to keep your ankles warm.