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You can turn anything into a compliment if you`re delusional enough.
Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
watching porn is like finding happiness in other enjoyment.....
If you have trouble getting your children`s attention, just sit down and look comfortable.
Note to self: Stop leaving notes to yourself, you never read them anyway...
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
I`m not necessarily saying that I am or am not a super hero, but I do occasionally stand with my hands on my hips.
Was wondering...when you have a mandatory meeting at work, why do the presenters always thank you for being there?
Adding “and sh!t” at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: “I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.”
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
I just went dumpster diving.. and hit the mother load. Tons of dude gear and tools! It smelled of angry white woman.