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If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of you are using Facebook as a substitution for prescription meds?
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
If Monday had a face, I´d punch it.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
Nothing says I have faith in God like the bullet proof glass on the Pope`s car.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don`t even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.