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The only "B" word you should call a woman is "beautiful"... B!tches love being called beautiful.
May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
I think I`m gonna glue my thumbs to my nipples and pretend I`m a T-Rex.
The only part I like about doing laundry is saying I`ve got a big load
Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That`s like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
Four out of five voices in my head are saying this is gonna` be a great day.
Would you like a push on that mood swing of yours?