Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
Meetings are 20% small talk, 5% what the meeting is about and 75% wasting everyone’s time.
I`d walk barefoot across an ocean of Legos for you.
I cleaned my room and still smells like smoke, stale beer and sweat. This is the last time I use "Mr. Sheen" cleaner.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Don`t bother trying to figure me out...not even the little voices in my head understand me...it`s pointless.
I put the hot in psychotic.
My neighbors listen to some amazing music… whether they like it or not. ;)
Man I love watching women`s curling in the Olympics. It`s the only time I get to drink beer while cheering on women sweeping and no one slaps me.
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
People that do stuff- what’s your secret?
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....