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It`s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
I`m lost, no wait..... Yep, lost for sure
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Just remember, every day is a gift from God. Well except for Monday.. Satan slips that one in. He’s a sneaky bastard.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.