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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
That amazing moment when you find money in your clothes that you forgot was there.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets and morals, you probably shouldn`t invite me over.
If cleanliness is next to godliness, then my car is Satan`s chariot.
Marriage: When dating goes too far.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
The only beachfront property I`ll ever be able to afford is a sandcastle.
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Every time I`m around my mother in law, I wonder who is running hell in her absence.
Who ever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard!