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Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
“Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..
Don`t know what to get your husband for Christmas? Whatever you give him, give it to him naked. Problem solved
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
Don`t do it in the Garden, they say love is blind but ur neighbor ain`t.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why
I ordered an Asian hooker last night. She showed up 2 hours late. She loved me wrong time.
The older I get, the more I understand someone`s desire to just say-"F*ck it. I`m going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."