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Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
Psycho and socio have always been my favorite paths.
Dear Equifax hackers, Please delete my student loan balance, my medical bills and change my credit score to 850. Thanks.
I accidentally had two energy drinks today and now my house is decorated for Christmas.
Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don’t lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?
I just accidentally opened the door for a Jehovah`s Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)
I wasn`t going to get so many groceries, but there was a new girl working today and she took my check.
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything