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New camo condoms! She`ll never see you coming again.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food colouring. The doctor says I`m alright, but I feel like, well, like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
Hate to break it to you mom, but my friends do not care if my room is messy, They care whether or not there’s food
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
I always find the "easy-open tab" right after I finally manage to tear the package open with my teeth.
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
I don`t have a drinking problem, you have a problem with my drinking. Big difference.
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
Hello... Modeling Agency? Ya, my selfie just got 34 likes I think I`m ready to go pro!