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I like to dump Skittles in the toilet and then flush it because it looks like a little tiny NASCAR race.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
It scares me when the lights go out and it`s complete darkness. The first thing I think is ... OMG I just went blind!
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
I swear 90% of the contacts in my phone are useless.
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Nothing makes me more productive than the last minute.
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors