Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Somehow I thought growing up would involve more than staring at my phone
It`s impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Got my friend a Starbucks gift card. 2 weeks later I get a call. They said hey Dean, u put any money on this Starbucks gift card. I said no it´s a gift card. That´s the beauty of it u can put as much money on it as u want.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
When I was your age, we had to walk ten miles in the snow to get drunk and have s€x.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?