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Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
I lent my girlfriend ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now she left me and I don’t know what she looks like.
If you rub two sticks together fast enough, you`ll eventually start a widespread panic on the subway.
So no pizza place on Ninja Turtles ever questioned the delivery address being “The Sewer”
How did the inventor of the clock know what time it was?
If I were the guy who made the Where’s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn’t there.
At work hitting the escape key...... Nothing is happening, im still here.
I wish the guy who made the vacuum cord would chat with the guys that make phone chargers.
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this weekend. ;)
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.