Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Relationship status: I get the remote to myself!
OK. Who decided to call it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
I`ll be right with you, I`m busy being inappropriate on the internet.
Men, if a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is. If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her.
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
75% of my current net worth is in gift cards.
The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Stop saying I`m hard to shop for. Surely you know where the liquor store is
I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.