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If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
If my sarcasm confuses you it`s because you`re stupid.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
Do you ever start writing a status and half way through you’re just like… nah
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?