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WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
Liking something on Facebook instead of commenting is like nodding at someone in an elevator instead of saying hello.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Based on commercials, every single car has won car of the year.
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
I`d like to share my innermost thoughts and feelings with all of you, but I`m afraid they`ll be used against me in a court of law someday.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.
be smart, pretend to be stupid!
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
All these years and I still don`t understand why they didn`t put Kevin Bacon in Grease.
Apparently I`d rather debate in my mind whether or not to get up and pee than sleep.