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I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Light travels faster than sound.. That is why some people appear bright until they speak.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Google was first named, `BackRub`. If they hadn`t changed the name, we`d be saying, `I don`t know, go BackRub it.`
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
When I get a call from an unknown number I answer by whispering: "It`s done, but there`s blood everywhere!"
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
next time you`re at a movie point at the screen when a scene with extras are on and say to your buddy "look, there i am!" and see how many people look over at you in awe.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
Hubby wanted to start the new year out with a bang - So I shot him..