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Just so you know, the movie "Life of Pi" has nothing to do with dessert.
Wine: How classy people get trashed.
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
People all around the world are out doing interesting and productive things right now. You are reading this.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
My wife is complaining that I never buy her jewelry. In my defense, I didn`t even know she sold jewelry.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
Ever since I installed AdBlock, all the single ladies in my area seemed to have lost interest.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Someone just asked me if I was `happily` married. Single people are adorable.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it