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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
I like to respond to statuses with .. WOW, Someone needs a Happy Meal.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
I wonder what my dog has named me?
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
You know what is cheaper than therapy? ... Admitting you`re batshit crazy and running with it.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
If your cat has a Facebook page, we can`t be friends.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.