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Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
ah Saturday, where it`s socially acceptable to drink in the morning. ;)
Pornography only gets called by its full name when it`s in trouble too.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
Doctor told me I need glasses. So I`m having several tonite.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about sh!t ...?
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
I`m really tired but it`s OK. There`s a nap for that.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
There`s nothing a floored gas pedal and cranked music can`t cure.
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
Listen lady, if you stopped screaming maybe you would enjoy holding hands with me.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired
I was in my kitchen cleaning when suddenly I realized OMG! ... I`m late for Facebook!!