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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Strangers are like birds. If you run at them screaming and waving your arms they will run away.
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Be good ... or I will text Santa
When I think of a good status in the shower, I run out dripping & naked and post it before the internet ends and it’s too late.
Pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens.