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Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? You were driving 80 miles an hour. Driver: "No way; I ain`t even been on the road an hour."
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
Damn, it`s like these people have never seen anyone bring a flask to the gym before.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
The problem with you is ... you exist.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Life is about perspective like the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ships kitchen