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No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
I`m ashamed of what I did for a Klondike bar.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pac Man, for 25 cents that bitch would swallow balls til she died!
Now that I`m turning 40, I need to be careful about what I eat and drink and make sure I am getting my nutrients. That is why I just added pulp-free Orange Juice to my Vodka.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
It`s funny how my car drives slower on the way to work, than when I`m on my way home.
The toughest part of a lesbian relationship is deciding who gets to be the one who`s always right.