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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
I`ll take "who the f*ck would know that" for $600, Alex.
Not all guys just want s@x... I want sandwiches too.
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
Life is never more confusing than when three people get together to order one pizza.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
Whenever I fill out a job application with a box for "Race," I add a question mark and then write, "Anytime. Anywhere."
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
PARENTS: your teen may be worshipping Satan. Look for these terms: LOL - Lucifer Our Lord, BRB - Burn Religious Books, TBH - Tell Beelzebub Hi
Guy on plane: So, where are you going? Me: I`m guessing it`s the same place you`re going.