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We got about 5-6 inches of snow here in the last 24 hrs, or, according to men, we got 8 inches.
Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
Ok honey don’t freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn’t do the dishes.
Your personality needs alcohol.
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
I only call them yoga pants because Netflix and eat leftovers pants was too long.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
This strip mall certainly is misleading And I probably should put my clothes back on now.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
Some days I just wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Me and my cat have been staring at each other for so long I forgot which one of us is stoned.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen