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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
A computer losing its internet access is the equivalent of a car running out of gas, both become useless.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
I really can’t kick ass, but I’m super good at taking names!
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
I don`t think stupid people understand how much effort goes into not punching them in the face
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
Reverse cowgirl. Perfect for when you`re horny, but can`t stand to look at each other !
I dream about naps.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink