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3yo just yelled "face-five!" & slapped his brother in the face. I`m totally using that at work tomorrow.
I wish my GPA looked like the gas prices right now...
There should be an "undo" button in an elevator for when you accidentally hit the wrong floor.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
What happened to all the Sour Patch parents?
I think about hiring a maid way too often for someone who has plenty of time to clean.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
The next time you feel you`re worthless.... just remember.... your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
Odd how all the `intelligent life finding instruments` are pointed away from earth.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever.”
If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.