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I’m single by choice. Not my choice, but still a choice!
Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
Make Monday More Fun: Unplug the copier at work and put a sign on it that says “Now Voice Activated!” Sit back and watch the magic unfold..
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
I was stood in front of the mirror last night, admiring my six pack. Then it occurred to me, why the f*ck am I not drinking it?
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
I`m sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
There`s no way that whatever mothballs prevent is worse than the smell of mothballs.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.