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“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
There 492 billionaires in the United States, and not one of those goddamned losers has decided to become Batman.
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
Diamonds are the hardest substance in the world ... to get back from a woman
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of itself.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend.......who`s in with me?
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
I didn`t think a McDonald`s Happy Meal would fill me up, but it did...OMG, I ATE THE TOY!
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.