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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
I`ve been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We`ll all be dead soon anyway.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
Judge: I`ve decided to give your ex-wife $350/month for child support. Me: That`s very generous. I`ll try and kick in a little myself.
Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
I party until the taxi with the pretty red and blue lights picks me up.
Not to brag, but, I`ve already consumed 174% of my daily fat requirement.
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.