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Sadly no matter how hard you try, you can`t mail a fart. Too bad though, because this would actually make paying Bills a lot more fun.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
Remember to look both ways before crossing a woman.
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
If god can artificially inseminate someone, why did he need two of every animal on the ark to repopulate the world?
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
Go home Polar Vortex....yer drunk.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
i just opened a fortune cookie and it started with the word unfortuneatly
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.