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If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
SINGLE GUYS: Nervous about flirting with a woman? Just remember: they`re smart, confident, and aware they don`t need us, so yeah, you should be worried.
Smile at the people who hate you. It makes them wonder what you`re up to. :)
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
I can sum up my life in three words: “just browsing, thanks.”
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
I saved over $1000.00 on Black Friday. I stayed home and didn`t shop.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
You know who your true friends are when they call you at 3AM just to tell you they love you and that their drunk...
Whenever you feel nobody cares or loves you. You should ask yourself...Am I TOO sexy?
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?