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Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Your mobile phone has more computing power than all of NASA in 1969. NASA launched a man to the moon. ...We launch a bird into pigs!
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
I have a few skeletons in my closet. But, every single one of them deserved it.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.
The plans I make after work are in direct proportion to how much charge I have left in my phone battery.
I want a man who loves me for my personality. Is it really to much to ask, I mean I do have several to pick from.
After reading some marriage post, I`m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.