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So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
I`d say that 6:30 is the best clock time, hands down.
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
I thought eyelashes were meant to keep stuff out of your eye but half the time there is anything in my eye its an eyelash!
I`ve just finished doing my hair, want to come over and mess it all up?
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
Some people you know was dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall and fell out the window.
Watching these gymnasts doing the balance beam is making me feel really bad about almost missing the couch.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them