Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why are there stitch marks on zombies? Who the heck is giving them medical attention?!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Sure, I`ll go to your open bar and watch you get married.
It’s not that I don’t want kids, it’s just that I don’t want a minivan.
I refuse to jump on the `I hate Mondays` bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
My favorite Yoga Pose is the Upward Facing Couch Potato.
I`m in big trouble if my coworkers find out I don`t really have Tourette`s.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Jake from State Farm works some very crappy hours.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.