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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
If everything tastes like us, why do we have to die? –Chickens
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
Can we just stop with the pre-sliced cheese? Is anyone so busy that they don’t have time to cut the cheese?
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
If a man says you’re ugly he’s being mean. If a woman says you’re ugly she’s envious. If a little kid says you’re ugly, you’re ugly.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
I don`t understand why people want a relationship when there`s pizza.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol at my house may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
I have good taste, I just don`t have the money to prove it.