Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I`m not bothered if someone likes me or Not. Even Angels are hated by Demons.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
You haven`t truly made it on YouTube until someone recognizes you in the unemployment line and asks for your autograph.
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri tells you "after 400 feet stop and let me out"
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
I´m up way too early for someone who wasn´t planning on seizing the day.