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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Nothing like responsibility to ruin a perfectly good day.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
You know you are old when your birthday suit doesn`t fit anymore.
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
People say that marriage is a job...marriage is not a job, its a hobbie!! Dating while you`re married...that`s a job!!
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
No way the guy from Operation is insured for any of those ridiculous medical procedures.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
She likes to call it a conversation, but mostly she`s gathering evidence.
The hardest question of the weekend.. can or bottle?
Miley Cyrus is not unique. I have been having full body spasms and licking random objects for decades.
My new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone`s having a party