Daily Silly Status

I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job

I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."

I`m sick to death of these letters from the City of College Station bullying me to mow my grass! If Walmat can prepare for Christmas 3 mths in advance why can`t I do the same for Easter!!!??

Do Starbucks employees take coffee breaks?

I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.

A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.

Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.

When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?

All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?

When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.

Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.

We’ll be friends until we’re old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends all over again.

It should really be called teethpaste.

Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.