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This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
I think the only way I`ll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I`m in prison.
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
The skinny girl inside me once tried to come out. I shut that b*tch up with a cupcake
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
My girlfriend told me she wanted me to surprise her with a gift that will take her breath away. I`m thinking about getting her a treadmill.
If it`s alcoholic anonymous. Why do the members stand up an in-troduce them selves?
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day