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Let me be clear, I don`t want to die alone. However I want to be left completely alone until that moment
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
North West: Daddy what were you famous for? Kanye: rapping. North West: Mommy what were you famous for? ((awkward silence))
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
If you`re feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.