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Apparently you have to go to the gym more than once to get in shape, what the hell.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
If you`re ever held at gun point, just remember, I`m behind you 100%.
I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
My wife is a sex object. Every time I want to have sex, she’ll object.
The only thing Facebook has ever done for me is make me realize a lot of my friends are idiots.
I`ve been married twice. The next wife I have will be someone else`s and she can just go home when she`s mad at me.
You`re not unlucky. Bad things happen to you because you`re a dumba$$.
A penny for your thoughts, Five bucks if they’re naughty.