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If you are offended by the things I post on FB you can only imagine the ones I don`t post.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
It doesn`t matter how old you are, If you hear the ice cream truck jingle you jump out the window for that sh!t.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
If you ever find lotion on a guy`s night stand, it`s not because he wants to moisturize his skin.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Why is this dude chatting with Jake from State Farm at three in the morning anyhow?
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
I hate it when I meow at cats and they don`t meow back. Unbelievably rude