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If my statuses had a smell.. they would smell funny
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out?
The only yoga stretch I’ve perfected is the yawn.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
The only thing I understand about Algebra: I look at my X and I wonder Y
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
Even atheists make bargains with God when the toilet water threatens to overflow at a friend`s house.
I didn`t mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
A smart man washes his hands after he pees. A wise man doesn`t pee on his fingers.
There`s a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It`s like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn`t say why.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.