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Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
Checked myself for ticks ... but I didn`t hear anything.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
Pretending to be a morning person is exhausting.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
Have you ever ate something so good that you do a little happy dance while your eating it?
Been coughing all night & day, can`t seem to stop. Guess I should go see a movie.
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
I`d stop disappointing you, if you stopped expecting me to do stuff.