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Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Call me a hoarder if you want but don`t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
Just bought two donuts without sprinkles...Diets are hard!
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
If you`re buying Smart Water for 4$ a bottle,, I`m sorry to tell you it`s not working
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
A man asks a trainer in a gym - "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?" Trainer replies - "use the ATM"
This movie has "adult content"? So, they`re gonna complain about back pains and setting up a 401k?
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.