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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
When people say "To be honest...", it means that up to that point they`ve been lying.
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Karma means I can rest easy at night knowing all the people I treated badly had it coming.
Sometimes you have to photoshop your life. Touch up edges, adjust the tones, blur the background, focus on yourself & crop some people out.
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops