Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee.
My wife just gave me an ultimatum, it’s either her or Facebook. So sadly, this will be my last joke….. in which I talk about having a wife.
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
The only dates I get are updates.
The only reason they make yellow starbursts is for when someone asks you if they can have one of your starbursts.
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Alcohol is like laxatives for constipated thoughts. The more you drink, the more sh!t that comes out your mouth.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Apple is looking to expand its market share among Latinos. No word yet on the release date of their newest device, the iCaramba.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.