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I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
Hmmmm what should I buy myself for Valentines day.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
My relationship is mostly me apologizing for saying something super bada$$ and hilarious
Stop Instagramming words. I`m not following you for your thoughts. Take off your f*cking shirt.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
I don`t know about you, but I`ve thought about running away more as an adult than I ever did as a child.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I KNOW HOW TO HIDE A DEAD BODY
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.