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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me a week to realize I wasn`t at work anymore.
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
Miley Cyrus could never live in the kind of cold we`re having here. Can you imagine all the poles her tounge would get stuck to?
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
I think salads help you lose weight because they`re gross and you end up not eating them
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
On the 12th day of Christmas my FB gave to me- 12 dudes I`m blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted Barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, fiiiivvvvee drama queeeennss, 4 game requests, 3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a creep who wont stop Inboxing meee... ;)
Just found out the government won`t hire you past age 37. Scratch Navy SEAL off my to do list
I once bought shoes in China that said "made around the corner"
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.