Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I love a good nap. Sometimes it`s the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning.
Whatever I did to make you hate me, Iād like to know. I have other people I can use that on.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
My minivan is always rocking, but it`s usually because I`m trying to smack one of the kids in the backseat while I drive.
Next time you are sad remember you can make a cheeseburger with donuts as the bun. Still sad? Add Sprinkles
Deja poo. The feeling that you`ve heard this sh!t before.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
Education is a process where we waste one half of our life learning how to waste the other half of our life!!
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
Vodka isn`t the answer... but it makes you forget the question :P