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Went into a five-star hotel to use the bathroom and now it`s a two-star hotel.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
If you think the things I say out loud are bad, you should hear the things I keep to myself.
Man, those 2013 Mayan Calenders are REALLY hard to find...
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much stuff to carry.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
If someone`s mean to you, just lean in and whisper "I`m a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" to them & get that monstrosity stuck in their head.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! She must be losing it! Who threatens someone with a vacation?
I`m kind of like Hugh Hefner. Only without the mansion, the exotic cars, the girls, the magazine and the money. Basically, I`m just a guy in a bathrobe.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"