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“I don’t watch tv” proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like bringing a shopping cart to the liquor store.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
I thought my name was "Stop encouraging him" until I was 11.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
Just think about all the stuff you aren`t thinking about.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
If someone tells you "it`s better than sex" they`re not doing the sex right.
Seems like you must have been pretty stupid to get caught for murder in the 1800s
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
The new Jungle Book movie might be confusing to today`s kids who don`t remember when we had jungles. Or books...
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Insanity workout? The fact I am even considering putting down my phone and getting off the couch is crazy enough, thanks.