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Have you heard about the new movie called constipation? It hasn`t come out yet.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
There`s a special place in hell reserved for the guy that decided what time McDonalds beakfast ends.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Hell Yes.
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone
When you`re a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since the last time I saw you!" As an adult, not so much.