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Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
My next pet is going to be named "Peeve."
Its all sh!ts and giggles until someone giggles and sh!ts
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
The Push Up ice cream company should just buy out Pringles and make all of our lives easier.
I know I should lift weights, but those things are heavy!!
May your life be as awesome as you pretend it is on Facebook.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid...
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker