Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Multi-tasking: the art of screwing up everything all at once.
I do whatever the little voices tell me to do.
Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
That awkward moment for a guy when he`s at a urinal stall and another guy takes the stall right next to him when there`s plenty of other perfectly good stalls farther away..
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
Why isn’t our beer color coordinated for all holiday occasions, instead of just St. Patricks Day?
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
A chain lock on a door is just there to annoy the person who is breaking in to kill you, right?
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
Apparently people will pay to be subjected to medieval torture devices if you call the place a "gym."
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.