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If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
Always bring a stopwatch to church, guys. You want the girl that spends the longest amount of time in confession.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids, a game known to most other people as being poor.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
I don`t get why girls get so offended by sexist jokes..I think they are just ovary-acting. Seriously..
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a beautiful day.