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Any of you girls wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? ... I`m just kidding. There`s no pizza.
People who don`t know what they want should not use the drive thru!
Do you suppose prison guards could use `PROACTIV` to prevent outbreaks?
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.
What’s the answer to this question?
If you don`t have anything nice to say, put it all on social networks
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
Hey, people who don`t drive *exactly* like I do. Get off the road!
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
1. Pour milk on floor. 2. Ask which kid did it. 3. Send them to their rooms when they don`t admit it. 4. Enjoy peaceful evening.