Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
Today is one of those “yeah, I’m not getting anything done” kind of days.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Excessive consumption of alcohol seems like a good idea.
My life is just one long improvisation.
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
It`s going to be so disappointing if we ever ask aliens about crop circles and they`re just like, "We really hate corn."
Relationship status: I make my own sandwiches.
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
u cant spell awesome without me
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
"I" before "E" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.