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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Big shoutout to whoever decided the ? and ! should be next to each other on an iPhone. That typo hasn’t made me look insane 10,000 times.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
Fact: 96% of all arguments end with somebody saying “Google that shit!”
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
Okay, I can`t take it anymore. What in the hell holds the blocks up in Mario Brothers?
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
There is a 100% chance that I’ve called some of the most wonderful people in the world the most horrible things imaginable while in traffic.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
Sorry, I didn`t get your text...Just kidding, I ignored that sh!t.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
Don`t tell me to make myself at home if you don`t want me to drop my pants and download porn on your computer.