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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
Einstein was wrong. The real definition of insanity is trying to clean your house when you have children.
I`m pretty sure my Internet Explorer “error reports” end up the same place my letters to Santa do.
Apparently "Fat Tuesday" doesn´t constitue telling fatties they´re fatties.
Have we considered putting Scooby Doo and the gang on the Malaysian airplane caper?
My wife sure is picky for someone who married me.
I`m gonna surprise my hand with some sex tonight!
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
wants to rock and roll all night
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.