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A fun way to get exercise is grab a chainsaw and chase a hiker.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
Allow me to explain myself via a new communication method I like to call "Interpretive Napping"
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
I`m a beer enthusiast. The more beer I drink, the more enthusiastic I become.
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. "Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!!