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I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
If cartoons are a reliable guide, the secret to never aging is wearing the same clothes every day.
Eat whatever you want,and if anyone tries to lecture you about your weight ...Eat them too..!
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
I dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig. It`s not a beautiful poem, but it`s very deep.
I can`t afford a therapist so i bought a mood ring
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.
Before I stalk someone, I follow them around for a while...Cause you know, what if they`re not worth it?
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
"I’m definitely going to do that tomorrow.” — Me being delusional