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Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
My roommate is on a date and said he`s convinced she`s coming home with him tonight. I`ve covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
Every club is a strip club, if you have the money. Every zoo is a petting zoo, if you have the balls.
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
Does anyone have like twenty thousand dollars they don’t want? Asking for myself.
Blockbuster sell sweets and ice cream to go with your DVD rental - who the hell wants to rent sweets and ice cream?
three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere "Hold my purse."
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
If he only wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs; Send him to KFC by SIMO
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?