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It’s silly how we spend money on clothes when naked is free.
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
I pretend I’m taking an important call and use big words when old people walk by so they’ll think the future is in good hands.
If you have no regrets in life, you clearly have never gone out with me.
"what doesnt kill u makes u smaller" -mario Lol
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
I have NEVER faked a sarcasm in my life ;)
Although tequila is highly toxic, it can be used to dissolve the friend zone.
There could be literally thousands of chameleons in your house right now and you don`t even know it.
According to this BMI chart ... I am to short.
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.