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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
There`s never been a lazier group of people than the ones that settled on naming a candy bar "Whatchamacallit."
If someone hates you for no reason, give that motherf*cker a reason.
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
I can read your mind, your thinking about sex right now, no wait, wait.. that`s my mind, sorry, I can read my mind. . .
If you like someone, set them free. If they comeback, it means nobody liked them. Set them free again.
What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
Wow bro, that pot leaf tattoo on your neck really makes the colors of your Burger King uniform pop.
This drag race is not at all what I expected. Are they in dresses inside of the cars, at least?
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.