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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
To all the NSA agents reading this right now, I just want to say sorry that my life is so boring.
Hey whiny kids with iPhones: when I was your age, I played with a stick.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.