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Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
Hey Samsung and Apple, no need for commercials. We’ve all chosen sides.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
OK. If you`re so smart, what`s the answer to this question?
I`m not saying I hate you, but I`d unplug your life support to charge my phone.
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
The secret to dancing is pretending you have a wedgie and you’re trying to get it unstuck without using you’re hands.
New Game: Attach a mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.