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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I am a very tolerant person until you think differently than me. Then I act like a spoiled little brat.
I did 10 minutes of cardio this morning. I was still drunk from last night, and I was trying to tie my shoes but whatever.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
My friends had a surprise party for me last night, well I called it a surprise party they called it an intervention.
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
When grown-ups tell kids they have a lot of energy, they really mean that they’re being annoying little bastards.
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
The “Slow Children Playing” signs always make me sad. Would it cost that much more to thrown in punctuation?
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....