Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
I accidentally wore green today. And I probably will be drunk later but NOT because it`s St. Patrick`s Day, because it`s Monday.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
A shark will only attack you if you’re wet.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting you do.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
I want to lose weight, but I don`t want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Skinny people are bitches. Probably because they`re hungry.