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Tomorrow is International "Cook a Steak and Then Throw It to a Seagull" Day. Get involved. Don`t question it.
Calm down! I`m not officially late until I actually get there.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
i hate it when other people hate the person i hate!!!
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
I may or may not have just "Whipped my Hair Back and Forth".......
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.
Long story short, I love summaries
"Iyam A. Wii Todd" <-- Bet you can say that name out loud, in a crowded place, and really fast!