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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
I just ordered a Life Alert bracelet so if I ever get a life I`ll be notified immediately.
thinks that drinking beer is the second-most satisfying thing a guy can do for himself with one hand.
If women ruled the world, There would be no wars. just a bunch of counties not talking to each other!
I don`t quite get women who have like 15 bridesmaids. I don`t even like 15 people altogether in my life.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
I can see exactly 6 years into the future. I have 2020 vision.
Thanks to Netflix I can tell my doctor I`ve done a lot of "marathons"
My mind is like "LETS DO THIS SH!T" but my body is like "calm down motherf*cker"
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
If you wake up with a chick and you dont know her name, take her to starbucks, they`ll write it on the cup.