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There’s nothing wrong with enjoying free samples at the grocery store. Just make sure they’re samples. And free. And it’s a grocery store.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Showed my daughter an MRE. The package said "Peelable Seal". She said I`m not eating no seal.
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
When I order pizza online, in the "Special Instructions for the Driver" box, I put "Tell me I`m a pretty princess".
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
People really need to get with the times. Smartphones are not for talking anymore.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling.. as I butter a doughnut
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.