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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
If I owned an auto collision shop, I’d name it “Auto Correct.”
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
my friends status was "standing on the edge of a cliff" ... so I poked him
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
For men who think.."A women`s place is in the kitchen," Just remember, that`s where the Knives are kept!
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Great friends never let you do stupid things......alone