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My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
If people don`t occasionally walk away from you shaking their heads, you`re doing something wrong.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
Drunk me would really appreciate a light switch on the floor.
Huh, So you are telling me that these straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress? And not for what I`ve been using them for all this time?
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.