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Karaoke bars combine two of the world’s great evils: People who shouldn’t drink and people who shouldn’t sing.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
i know how to shutup.I just don`t know when.
I`m fortunate that anger and nicotine have zero calories.
Saw a bug crawling on my arm and my reaction can only be described as “grabbing for swirling dollars inside a plexiglas Cash Cube.”
"Does this dress make me look fat?"-- Now, what I SHOULD have said was, "No, dear! You are little black dress approved!" but what came out was, "When did your bum move to the front?"
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
My closet is like 15 shirts I plan to fit into again and 1 shirt I wear every day.
You call it Sushi, I call it bait.
WebMD auto dialed an ambulance when I entered my chicken nugget intake.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.