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You look happy. Let me see what I can do about that. - Life.
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
The only exercise I`ve done this month is running out of money
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
Do you think people will start blaming auto correct for there marriages breaking down?
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.