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When I say "It`s a long story," it doesn`t mean it`s actually a long story. It means I just don`t want to tell you.
When you`re accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don`t reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
No matter how old you are ... swingsets are cool.
Last year in college football Alabama beat Arkansas, Tennessee, and Auburn. Those teams coaches all resigned. Any chance of Alabama playing agsinst the White House this year?
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
If your single and you know it…Pet your cat!
Don`t hate me because I`m beautiful. Hate me because your man thinks I am.
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
"Please take a seat" was a bad introduction for a Kleptomaniacs` Anonymous meeting.
Her profile said she was a stone cold freak. Turns out she was just a wrestling fan with bad capitalization skills. :(
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.